3. The Prescriptions

I've mentioned before that my endocrinologist prescribed a few medications to help with the Graves' Disease symptoms, but I haven't really gone into detail about what they were.  Let's talk about them now.

It's probably worth mentioning that I was diagnosed with acute anxiety disorder way back in 2002.  Maybe you've heard of it - or it's "cousin", generalized anxiety disorder. (I honestly have no idea what the difference between the two is, so if you're wondering, I'm the wrong person to ask.)  After suffering from a few really horrid and really frequent panic attacks, my family doctor gave me a prescription for Celexa (to prevent panic attacks) and another for Ativan (a sedative for when a really bad panic attack happened).  I hated the Ativan and tossed them in the trash, but stayed on the Celexa for about a year, until I found myself pregnant and decided it was time to stop with the meds.  Fast forward a few years, and the attacks came back with a vengeance.  I went back on the Celexa but skipped the lorazepams this time around, and remained that way for a few years.

Two years ago, I got my panic disorder under control and stopped the Celexa once more.  I'd have the odd panic attack here or there, but I'd more or less found a way to keep them from getting out of control and I really didn't feel like I could say that I had an "anxiety disorder" anymore... that is, until the Graves' kicked in.  Very suddenly, I was having at least one panic attack per day - usually more - and spending most of my day in a state of heightened anxiety.  I could no longer get on the bus or subway without launching into a full-fledged attack, and the day that I attempted to take a cab home from downtown Toronto and ended up hyperventilating so badly in the back of said cab that an ambulance was called, well, that was the day I had both prescriptions renewed.

Celexa (I take 10mg)

Ativan / lorazepam (I take 1mg as needed)

Side note:  It's worth noting that a lot of the symptoms of Graves' Disease are similar to those of an anxiety disorder, and Graves' patients are often diagnosed with anxiety disorders a few years before the Graves' is discovered.  I don't know if I'd say I have had Graves' all along - things only got really bad in the past six months, and prior to that I even gained some weight (which I promptly lost all of), or if I'd say that the Graves' symptoms just accentuated the panic disorder symptoms and landed me back into the anxiety overdrive zone.  But it's an interesting association and it seemed worth mentioning. 

On my first visit to the endocrinologist's office, I was prescribed beta blockers (Atenolol) for my heart palpitations and crazy rapid heart beat.

Atenolol (I take 50 mgs)

On my follow-up appointment, I was prescribed Methimazole to help slow down my thyroid (and the associated hyperthyroid symptoms).

Methimazole (I take 10 mgs)

I wish that I could tell you that any one of these prescriptions has made enough of a difference for me to take notice, but I'd be lying.  (Although, in all fairness, I've only been on the Methimazole for about 10 days, so maybe they just haven't kicked in yet.)

The Celexa does nothing to prevent panic attacks anymore; they still come pretty frequently and I've developed agoraphobia on top of everything, so I think it's safe to say they're not helping at all.

The Atenolol (beta blockers) have been mildly helpful, but I still do notice occasional heart palpitations, and when my anxiety levels are high, I still get chest pains and rapid heartbeat.  The pills are doing something, and I don't mean to sound greedy, but they're not doing enough.

As mentioned, the Methimazole hasn't made a lick of difference yet.  I'm hopeful that that will change in time, but so far I'm just as symptomatic as ever.

The lorazepams...  OK, the lorazepams help.  The problem is, that is a tiny little super-powerful pill, and I'm afraid of them.  They make me dizzy, they make me fall asleep, and they're highly, highly addictive.  Because of all that, I avoid taking them unless it's really absolutely necessary.  It's hard to parent when you're sleeping, and it's not so productive to take a pill that makes your head swim when you've got a long list of client work to get done, so they're very much a "last resort" for me.  I think in the last four months, I've taken six, and it has to be under the perfect conditions...  when I have enough time before The Monkey gets home from school, when The Mister happens to be home from work (or able to come home long enough for me to take one, get past the dizzy, and fall asleep), and when I don't have an overwhelming amount of work to get done.  I'm paranoid that if I take them when I'm alone, I'll have a bad reaction and end up like Heath Ledger or Michael Jackson (both of whom were on lorazepam, according to the internet), and a sedative doesn't really help when you're afraid to take it.

So that's the prescription situation.  I have four pill bottles in my purse, I keep a "drug diary" to remind me what I took and at what time, and I feel like a pharmacy.  And so far?  It hasn't even helped.